Change

I have been waiting so long for an epiphany, some profound moment. I've looked up at the stars so many times, begging them to give me a sign, a last chance at hope. I walked outside tonight, with the all too common thought of not being good enough, of never being good enough. And then I realised,


is this my life?


the short span of time that humans in general do not want to end, and the decisions I have made have almost totally ruined mine.


I have told myself this hundreds of times before, but I now realise that life can be so much better than this.


For years I have been punishing myself for my changes in weight, both up and down. When was it that I based my happiness on the weight of my body? Why did I choose to prioritise the appearance of my body over family, friends, lifes pleasures, all to reach 'a goal weight'? Why was it that something as stupid as my limbs and the number on the tag of my clothing took over me, as if a poison was becoming more concentrated in my blood?


I know that thinking this problem will vanish overnight is the epitomy of naivity, and so here is my pledge;


I will lose the 4 kilograms I gained over Christmas- in means that are in no way healthy
I will get to 50, I will stay at 50
From there I will learn to own my mind, and reprogramme my life.
I will teach myself that there is so much more.


I want to be happy, I want to be healthy, I want to fall in love;


And I will.